Meeting in the park

I met with Megan Mook today. Yes, I got her name right, and she was wonderful. Interestingly enough, talking with her rooted me right in the present moment. She gave me a lot of good advice, a few teachers I need to hit up, and the book "How Yoga Works". She really reminds me of the kind of teacher that I want to be and is both so respectful and respectable. All smiles.

Mini-existential crisis

Thoughts in savasana.

"I wonder what it's like to become part of everything. It seems nice in theory but once I do it I won't even be able to reflect on what it's like to become part of everything! Oh no! Maybe I'll become a new and confused thing- but I won't even realize it! That's not fair! Maybe I've always been new and confused things? That's sort of comforting, maybe? What's that humming in the background? It's so soothing. Is this what it's like to experience pure vibration? But of course not because my experience of vibration has to do with the nerves and things that react to the experience of my body-being being vibrated. Oh my god that is so scary, no relax, breathe. It's fine, remember that everyone is going through this, and they are all fine, or are they?"

At this point, Joy (teacher at Prana) walks over to me and smoothes down my forehead. Was I frowning? Did it show?

I hope her name was Megan....

She had this quality of respectability to her that I have striven for my entire life. It's a way of being that transcends the limits of joviality or seriousness, and ignores the boundaries of free-spirit or stickler.

The way she spoke it was as if she had utter respect for the best of every person.

It also made me feel incredibly ashamed of the way I had been talking. As I entered the studio, probably because of my own insecurity or ego, I was sort of using what Lindsay would call 'my yoga voice'. You know, that voice you use to let everyone know that you are totally calm and in control of a situation. Sort of. Ok, not really. More like the voice you would use on tv if you had to play a character whose role that was.

And what that does is it limits people. It's more a way of controlling them and their emotional reactions than of really encouraging them to grow and be.

I was so ashamed of that. After class, I felt like my head was spinning.

Not the bad kind of ashamed, which is external. Not the sort that Douglas Adams would describe as 'the heat crinkling in your neck as you remember the time you dropped the football in 4th grade', but a more profound kind that leads to growth.

I will to do that. I will to try to notice, emulate and create more ways to do that....

It doesn't really work that way, though. It's not like painting the walls of your living room (which requires various degrees of effort, but is a very straightforward practice). It's more of a letting go process. Letting go of the need to please others, letting go of the need to have them trust me.

You can't force someone to trust you. You can't rationally convince them, you can't beg them, you can't really do much. All you can do is keep your integrity and consider yourself trustworthy and hope it's something like the flu.

That's....really not a good metaphor for being trustworthy..........

Carlos

I took an "Hour of Power", thinking it would be just a quick wake-up call.

hah- it was an incredibly intense practice- I don't think I've been that sweaty since the summer I took Jeanne's class.

Carlos's class motto is "don't think, just do". It's a straight vinyasa practice- you never hold any pose for more than a few moment, but then you move right away into another one, so you are moving the entire time. Non-stop. Beautiful.

Prana Power Yoga

I got a two week membership at Prana. I have missed hot yoga so much. So very much. I don't know how I did without it. I mean, I've been doing hot vinyasa at 38th st, but with only an hour for each class, I rarely fall into a meditative trance unless I go twice.

There is something about those extra fifteen minutes that is so much better. Also, Prana's classes are 'flowier', we must have done at least 6 sun salutation A's and B's. And half moon, which is my favorite pose.