Etched by a Diamond

"I myself shall continue living in my glass house where you can always see who comes to call; where everything hanging from the ceiling and on the walls stays there as if by magic, where I sleep nights in a glass bed, under glass sheets, where who I am will sooner or later appear etched by a diamond"- Andre Breton, Nanja
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Sometimes I think I'm waiting for someone to come along and tell me who I am.

A perfect reflection of the caprice and wisdom of my being.

In the complete acceptance and understanding of this creature, I will be complete.

I will also be complete with a PhD, a million dollars, and a sound & therapy center in every major city and a few off-the-beaten path locales.

For travel, and variety, you know.

As I'm walking through Berkeley, I sink as I pass over a soft plywood that's covering construction.

A few steps pass, and I turn around, because there is the chance that it could be the portal to a secret world. I blame every children's book ever written for thoughts like these.

I walk back over it, and I note that the hole under it (partially visible crack) is rather deep. Instead of a portal, it could be a rather long and painful fall, and a waiting to be rescued. I'm really not in a position to be breaking any bones right now.

I walk a few steps forward, and I realize that this though would be the perfect decoy for a hidden world.

So I go back over it. And pause for three breaths. I close my eyes. I put all my weight on it, but it doesn't sink through. In retrospect, I could have jumped.

Here is my desperate belief in hidden worlds in need of discovery.

cleanse/fast/thing-y

I am so. so. so. glad that is over.

Just finished the master cleanse. Ten challenging days. Ten depths-of your soul, fear blazing inspirational instensy. Amusingly enough, it reminded me of the process of the koshas.

Pre-cleanse, days 1-3, the physical exhaustion and strain sets in, the physical longing for comfort, for food.

Days 3-5, energy shut down. Too tired to run or hit the beach, no intense vinyasa. I walk pretty much everywhere I go now. Normally a privilege, suddenly a horror and a burden.  Every detour, every missed bus, every extra half hour of walking turned tricky.

Amusingly enough, for the first time in my life, I could spend hours sitting, at a computer even. Can't say I got much done, but my concentration was truly impeccable. Now that orange-peach nectar is coursing through my body like wild, all I want to do is dance again ; )

Days 6, drunken monkey brain. mental bonanza. searching aimlessly for answers amongst things I already know, re-exploring closed option after after option. drunken, anxious monkey.

Days 7, emotional deprivation: crazy longing for emotional comfort. Hunger is everything. It really is. At that point of being so, so hungry, you start to feel so, so, terribly empty. And people feel like this. All over the world. No human was placed on this earth to feel this longing.

Days 8, tricky during the day but really fun at night. I was having a conversation at Yohei's with a few friends, and suddenly I realize that everything is teaching me something about myself, and my family, and where I'm from, and where everyone else is from, and the evolution of our society...
"Guys...." I say, hesitantly, "this may sound a bit odd, but I think I'm tripping."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, so if I don't sound super present.....it's cos I'm not".

Day 9, day 9 was so beautiful it deserves its own little pocket in my internet life, so I'll write about it afterways. Bliss body. Total wisdom.

Day 10, wow that was wild. proud of surviving that. can't wait to eat : )

Post-cleanse, Day 1: Up at 7AM. Suddenly, I have become a morning person. I've learned the power of orange juice : )

Dude, I am so jittery. Fruit feels so good.