the image on top is "Welcome Home Sweet Sugar" by Kelsey Brooks

Tuesday, April 30, 2013


I want something. 

I've had a difficult time understanding what it may be.... despite its identity, it's elephantine presence has been undeniable. 

You have felt that silent, confusing tug of desire and perhaps have spent hours identifying.....perhaps misappropriating, its source. Subtle but it's real, of course. 

I would like to share inner space with you. 

I would like to know your thoughts and your feelings; dreams, visions and goals. I'd like to know how your mind made sense of the universe and your soul breathed amongst it. Practically, I'd like to send you messages and connect in your day. Mostly; to exist in a mutual world with consideration. Not always, but most or some of the time. 

Merge a small part of my heart-mind. 

It's really an awful lot to ask, if you think about it. 

There's a tribe of people I hold in my heart space, and if you are interested, you may partake- although your participation may rise quickly through novelty. I'm seeing several now; but this offer is exclusive. Not at all on principle, through temporality of truth. 

I am a lucky one; I share heart space with many humans. I do not need yours. But I would like to make the offer. 

There's little to it. It's a vibrational thing. Unspoken &  ephemeral; let's make it acknowledged and intentional. I would like to share inner space with you. 

Let me know if that interests you. 

I really like you. 

#muse #seemed-like-a-good-idea-at-the-time

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

I don't know if this is a good place or not to announce that I am a total fuck up.

I have this idiotic vision of myself as a compassionate, patient person, when the truth of the matter is; well, it's not true at all.

I'm actually pushy, dominating in my viewpoints, aggressive, self-centered to an extreme; I'm still pretty confident that I'm not too manipulative but that's a subject for debate.

I do not want to be any of these things; I really don't. Especially as (since I'm self-centered), and when I am these things, the person most pissed off is me. And then, on top of that, I threaten and upset others. Which I do not intend at all. In the least bit.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, because almost all the pushy, dominant people that don't know how to listen I know are all Russians. And everything that pisses me off about, say, my mother (who is a magical angel that still manages to annoy me) to my Russian friends (also, rad people that drive me nuts); yeah, that's not separate from me, that's ALL me, actually.

I swear to God I'm going to do everything in my power to make it better. I swear. Please, please forgive me and please be patient with me.