I don't know if this is a good place or not to announce that I am a total fuck up.

I have this idiotic vision of myself as a compassionate, patient person, when the truth of the matter is; well, it's not true at all.

I'm actually pushy, dominating in my viewpoints, aggressive, self-centered to an extreme; I'm still pretty confident that I'm not too manipulative but that's a subject for debate.

I do not want to be any of these things; I really don't. Especially as (since I'm self-centered), and when I am these things, the person most pissed off is me. And then, on top of that, I threaten and upset others. Which I do not intend at all. In the least bit.

I don't know if it's a cultural thing, because almost all the pushy, dominant people that don't know how to listen I know are all Russians. And everything that pisses me off about, say, my mother (who is a magical angel that still manages to annoy me) to my Russian friends (also, rad people that drive me nuts); yeah, that's not separate from me, that's ALL me, actually.

I swear to God I'm going to do everything in my power to make it better. I swear. Please, please forgive me and please be patient with me.