I am nervous.
Seriously nervous. Harry Potter about to play quidditch nervous.
I actually have not been this jacked with anticipation since I was a mock trial debater almost 8 years ago in high school. To those who have never found themselves as mock trial debaters, this is a horrible allusion to the profound nature of this nervousness. I think the absurdity adds a nice touch.
That was the last time I fasted for an event, although at the time all the spiritual meaning of fasting was lost on me. It just seemed, for whatever reason, to be a good idea, the way it feels today.
In the early part of the week, I was all "yang" energy- running around, connecting post-Bhakti, getting out all our info, connecting with studios- up from early morning to late at night in a buzz of creation. Suddenly, mid-week, the energy shifted. I became more aware of my emotions and more sensitive than comfortable for sure, and I realized that I was entering a phase of "yin" energy.
It took me a long time to come to terms with this when it happens. For a few days, I'm not up in my running shoes listening to NIN, but rather down on the floor in a gentle yoga practice, or curled up with my journal. In the past I would repress this state, try to figure out what was 'wrong' and try to pump myself with energy. Time has taught me to honor my reflective state, to give myself permission to be a bit more sleepy, a bit more sensitive, to explore my dreams and express the myriad of strange human feelings I get filled up with. It's an intuitive space, a way of being that perhaps offers or forces insight and understanding into my existence. During this time I find being alive altogether weird and bewildering, and a bit overwhelming, even.
And I know that tonight, though I have little expectation about what is actually going to take place, I have a strange inclination that it's going to be a very strong experience. I feel like I'm about to lose my identity slightly, and that I, like the people in savasanah, may journey away a little bit as I ring the gongs, and find myself different upon my arrival.
Even though I know the experience is usually quite pleasant, the very presence of the unknown alerts me,
Well, let's finish getting ready then.
Seriously nervous. Harry Potter about to play quidditch nervous.
I actually have not been this jacked with anticipation since I was a mock trial debater almost 8 years ago in high school. To those who have never found themselves as mock trial debaters, this is a horrible allusion to the profound nature of this nervousness. I think the absurdity adds a nice touch.
That was the last time I fasted for an event, although at the time all the spiritual meaning of fasting was lost on me. It just seemed, for whatever reason, to be a good idea, the way it feels today.
In the early part of the week, I was all "yang" energy- running around, connecting post-Bhakti, getting out all our info, connecting with studios- up from early morning to late at night in a buzz of creation. Suddenly, mid-week, the energy shifted. I became more aware of my emotions and more sensitive than comfortable for sure, and I realized that I was entering a phase of "yin" energy.
It took me a long time to come to terms with this when it happens. For a few days, I'm not up in my running shoes listening to NIN, but rather down on the floor in a gentle yoga practice, or curled up with my journal. In the past I would repress this state, try to figure out what was 'wrong' and try to pump myself with energy. Time has taught me to honor my reflective state, to give myself permission to be a bit more sleepy, a bit more sensitive, to explore my dreams and express the myriad of strange human feelings I get filled up with. It's an intuitive space, a way of being that perhaps offers or forces insight and understanding into my existence. During this time I find being alive altogether weird and bewildering, and a bit overwhelming, even.
And I know that tonight, though I have little expectation about what is actually going to take place, I have a strange inclination that it's going to be a very strong experience. I feel like I'm about to lose my identity slightly, and that I, like the people in savasanah, may journey away a little bit as I ring the gongs, and find myself different upon my arrival.
Even though I know the experience is usually quite pleasant, the very presence of the unknown alerts me,
Well, let's finish getting ready then.
