Ruby and I took adderall and polished an entire appartment last night. I would build a temple with Ruby. Or anything else.
Through these past few weeks, she continues to amaze me. So airy, so dreamy; surely so out of this world. There is no way, one thinks, a real human being can so exist. She is like a fairy, and one wonders- how deep can it go?
In three weeks, in such close proximity both penniless, you learn. Her depth, her intelligence, her intentionality. Learned perhaps isn't the right word: I think the right word is something like proved, or discovered supporting evidence for. Ruby under pressure, in decision making and creation, and I, impressed by what I saw. To see someone rock unicorns and reason, air and ground...
May people say the same of me.
As an aside, I am a big fan of all of my friends. And I enjoy expressing this affection.
Well, as I'm attempting sleep, gathering exhaustion yet still restless: my heart pounding in a combination of addy and caffeine I haven't touched since college. And an interesting thing happens.
I remember. So much, years, of my experiences in Manhattan took place with this fluttering, appreciative awed heart. I remember how my life was pure magic, a surreal creation, the physical completeness of fantasy. We lived by a mix of Secret and Absurdity, dream and creation. We discovered the strangest things we could: and I dare say I was the best at it.
In the past three years, I remembered the challenged, the mistakes, the tiny frays and knots in the tapestry of knowledge. But I had forgotten the fabric's glean.
I remembered what it felt to glitter.
How it feels to have your insides shake with meaning: to be so fully in awe of the beauty of this particular configuration of events. I recalled magical experience after experience, walks and talks and late night musings and early morning grocery runs and the streets, cafes and cuban clubs, ocean and mystery. Everything, everywhere, altogether and all at once.
With so much vata energy, my mind (which rests in the center of my heart) wants so badly to cling onto someone, something, to keep me grounded, tethered to my experinece, oh how it quickly slips away! "Come back!" I beg, "Let me keep you!". And the moment dissolves. Slips away as I inscribe it in my memory, as I take the very first rich sip of individuality.
Coming of age, heart racing in an anxious appeal for each moment to stay.
Lying awake, for the first true time in years, I miss Manhattan. I miss 1st avenue and 2nd street. I miss Lauren and Kate, and the costume box, within and without.
Thank you for the momento.
It is not a sustainable state. But it's beauty beckons every now and then.
the fleeting texture of experience is yours to keep; yours alone. the weight and lightness is your burden, or brace. no one will ever know what it is to be you...not fully.
Through these past few weeks, she continues to amaze me. So airy, so dreamy; surely so out of this world. There is no way, one thinks, a real human being can so exist. She is like a fairy, and one wonders- how deep can it go?
In three weeks, in such close proximity both penniless, you learn. Her depth, her intelligence, her intentionality. Learned perhaps isn't the right word: I think the right word is something like proved, or discovered supporting evidence for. Ruby under pressure, in decision making and creation, and I, impressed by what I saw. To see someone rock unicorns and reason, air and ground...
May people say the same of me.
As an aside, I am a big fan of all of my friends. And I enjoy expressing this affection.
Well, as I'm attempting sleep, gathering exhaustion yet still restless: my heart pounding in a combination of addy and caffeine I haven't touched since college. And an interesting thing happens.
I remember. So much, years, of my experiences in Manhattan took place with this fluttering, appreciative awed heart. I remember how my life was pure magic, a surreal creation, the physical completeness of fantasy. We lived by a mix of Secret and Absurdity, dream and creation. We discovered the strangest things we could: and I dare say I was the best at it.
In the past three years, I remembered the challenged, the mistakes, the tiny frays and knots in the tapestry of knowledge. But I had forgotten the fabric's glean.
I remembered what it felt to glitter.
How it feels to have your insides shake with meaning: to be so fully in awe of the beauty of this particular configuration of events. I recalled magical experience after experience, walks and talks and late night musings and early morning grocery runs and the streets, cafes and cuban clubs, ocean and mystery. Everything, everywhere, altogether and all at once.
With so much vata energy, my mind (which rests in the center of my heart) wants so badly to cling onto someone, something, to keep me grounded, tethered to my experinece, oh how it quickly slips away! "Come back!" I beg, "Let me keep you!". And the moment dissolves. Slips away as I inscribe it in my memory, as I take the very first rich sip of individuality.
Coming of age, heart racing in an anxious appeal for each moment to stay.
Lying awake, for the first true time in years, I miss Manhattan. I miss 1st avenue and 2nd street. I miss Lauren and Kate, and the costume box, within and without.
Thank you for the momento.
It is not a sustainable state. But it's beauty beckons every now and then.
the fleeting texture of experience is yours to keep; yours alone. the weight and lightness is your burden, or brace. no one will ever know what it is to be you...not fully.
