welcome.

the image on top is "Welcome Home Sweet Sugar" by Kelsey Brooks

Friday, July 27, 2012

Apollo

I live in a world of my imagination.

I have always lived in a world of my imagination. I suspect that I will continue to do this whether I know it or not.

When I was a little kid, I drew out maps of entire worlds, Mililac, a land of beauty and prosperity, Krall, a dictatorship of cruelty and misery (as a Russian emigrant, I think I know where I sourced this narrative...), Tiger's Isle.

I had a one-on-one chat with compassionate author Edward Mannix today. In which, I connected and emphasized with my inner child. Really, I had to pretend that my 8 year old self was in front of me, and to talk to her. The rule was, when talking to children: you never deny their feelings. Even if you think its silly. Express empathy and understand.

For example: if a child says, "I think my brother doesn't love me".

Instead of responding "Your brother loves you" (e.g. denying their reality), say, "I'm sorry you feel like a loser".

(On a side note, I remember getting fed up one day in elementary school, and going to visit the guidance counselor. I told her, "I don't have any friends". 
-She says, "hold out your hands, and count off the names of your friends". 
-I lift up my fingers and go, "Jenny, Mike, Gerard, Kathy....". 
-She goes, "See, you do have friends. Now go along now". 
Guidance counselor fail.)

Anyway, while having a conversation with my 8 year old self, I realized, "Wow, when I was 8 years old, I felt totally out of place. I thought the school system was a competitive bore, I made it through middle school without any effort, and read books underneath my desk. I did not understand getting points deducted for not having my books covered. I lived in a land of imagination. I believed I could make things happen with my mind. I wanted love and approval from everyone, and I cared an awful lot."

And then I realized, "...and I'm still that person".

Sure I've gotten older and more mature and a master of intense emotion and deliberate reaction, but, the point remains, I'm still that kid. I could choose to deny, or repress, or ignore all of my imaginative elements: but regardless,  I entered the world as that being, and I am the continuity of that consciousness and being.  

So when I'm in savasanah, and having a truly marvelous conversation with Apollo....

That's my experience/perception/reality. That's how I be.