Niema Lightseed

Niema Lightseed. Priestess of the New Paradigm.
*from August 31st*

I am grateful for my burning need to write down my experiences after savasana that day. One month later, to try to remember a shamanic journey is not easy to say the least. And yet a few scribbled lines trigger the memory....

This was my first class at Burningman, about two days into it (not my first much-needed practice, I assure you). My notes summarize my experience with Nienna as 'having a trusted leader bring out the truth in yourself..."

Niema works through energy blockages in the body- every beat in line with class. We did ankle, neck, body rolls to start- starting to wake up the struggling burner body- standing cat/cow stretch. After anjaneyasa, and lunges, we moved into a smooth, wonderful sequence, of which two poses truly caught me. In plank pose, Nienna asking "what empowers you that is stronger than willpower? what keeps you going?". For me, it's a tie between love and a desire for truth. Then later, in tree pose, thinking "I want to BE the tree of knowledge of good and evil. That is the kind of fruit I want to bear".

Here's the journey: You start off at the foot of a river, in this beautiful basin with mountains surrounding you. You walk up the river, with your friends- those that journey with you- until you come up to the mouth of the cave. Inside the cave, it's pitch black, and you start using your hands along the walls to go further. It's cold, and clammy, you take off your clothes, and keep walking further and further into the cave. When it feels that within this darkness, nothing can be, you see a small light. An old woman is tending the tiniest bit of a fire. She looks at you, and says "What do you want?". You tell her what you want. Then she says "what do you have to offer?" And you have nothing but yourself, so you step into the fire. This is the part of my experience that my subconscious yells "no!", but Nienna was still narrating. And I wanted to continue the narrative, so I had to accept the narrative to continue. So there I was, consumed by this fire, burning my body, and it feels good, says Nienna. The fire is consuming your entire entity, and when the flames die down, you are still there. Yet you inhabit a new body.

-I don't remember if this is a fabrication due to the re-hashing of past experience, but I think as you looked down at the old woman, and she is now a young girl. And she says, "Thank you". -

You step out into the world, as in the land before time, and there you find all your friends and companions- those that journey with you- waiting for you.

These are my notes from that session:
Freedom from fear
I will bungee jump
I can bungee jump
I am worthy of facing my fear
I am worthy of facing my fear
I am worthy
I want to be brave

It's Tuesday, October 4th, and I haven't bungee jumped. And I had the chance- one week after burningman. Somehow, standing at the top of that bridge, seeing the rocks below (In my vision of bungee jumping, there is ALWAYS water). I could not explain to myself why I was doing this. I rely, wholeheartedly on my judgement of what is safe and what is a good idea. I need that good judgment to make decisions for my life on a daily basis. I need to trust myself more than anything else. And it seemed like a cruel trick, a pompous romp that if it went wrong, I would not be able to even apologize to myself. I couldn't say, "sorry, self, I killed you/paralized you". That's where I draw the line. Also, it could be that bungee jumping, the act itself, seems nauseating to me. The opposite of fun. And if I don't want to do this so much, it's probably not worth it. "Facing my fear" may be reserved for things I actually WANT to do (such as skydive, or teach inspiring yoga classes), and I am terrified of. Anyway, I doubt anyone needs this much explanation except my ego, which desires justification very much, embarrassingly. I also completely forgot about this journey, the entire time I was there. Maybe if I remembered these notes, it would have been diferent. Perhaps I haven't bungee jumped yet, but I've noticed a significant increase of "courageousness". Or at least I hope.