Guiliana's Class

Just a few hours ago, I came home with my head on fire.

I biked home in a blaze of ideas, and after a long pause to consume a considerable amount of quinoa, started a writing spree that is ending with the entirely of the content of my website.

So, it was a good class.

What happened?

Star pose.

It's the pose on display in MOMA's Abramovic, and the same pose that sent me in a so-called joking "fuck you, Greg!" as my ego refused the possibility of lowering my arms, even for a moment. We slowly lowered and raised our arms for at least half an hour, while the entire class, everybody, broke down. And I would not lower my arms, no matter what. Because even though I thought what we were doing was absurd, despite the fact that I was so keenly aware that this bodily discomfort was caused only by my intense desire to be accepted by these people.....

despite all that, I just couldn't. I would rather yell profanities than lower my arms. Yeah, nice.

Now, Guiliana explained the history and purpose of star pose, which is very nice in and of itself. Adds a certain dimension of respect already.

Then, we kept our arms raised for 6 minutes. And I didn't. I, at multiple times, lowered my arms.

That's a huge sign of trust.

That's a sign that I trust these people will accept me, and most importantly, that I will accept myself, even if I don't do this 'properly'. Additionally, it's the following through of the idea that I actually preach in class: listen to your body, listen to your body, listen to your body...

And I lowered my arms. And raised them. And lowered. And raised.

And by the end of those 16 minutes, I was glowing with pride. I felt like perhaps I had grown into the type of person I had wished to become, at least a little bit.