Etched by a Diamond

"I myself shall continue living in my glass house where you can always see who comes to call; where everything hanging from the ceiling and on the walls stays there as if by magic, where I sleep nights in a glass bed, under glass sheets, where who I am will sooner or later appear etched by a diamond"- Andre Breton, Nanja
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Sometimes I think I'm waiting for someone to come along and tell me who I am.

A perfect reflection of the caprice and wisdom of my being.

In the complete acceptance and understanding of this creature, I will be complete.

I will also be complete with a PhD, a million dollars, and a sound & therapy center in every major city and a few off-the-beaten path locales.

For travel, and variety, you know.

As I'm walking through Berkeley, I sink as I pass over a soft plywood that's covering construction.

A few steps pass, and I turn around, because there is the chance that it could be the portal to a secret world. I blame every children's book ever written for thoughts like these.

I walk back over it, and I note that the hole under it (partially visible crack) is rather deep. Instead of a portal, it could be a rather long and painful fall, and a waiting to be rescued. I'm really not in a position to be breaking any bones right now.

I walk a few steps forward, and I realize that this though would be the perfect decoy for a hidden world.

So I go back over it. And pause for three breaths. I close my eyes. I put all my weight on it, but it doesn't sink through. In retrospect, I could have jumped.

Here is my desperate belief in hidden worlds in need of discovery.

Kishan Shah

There's nothing like a rockin vinyasa class in the evening...unless you're in Venice, and that class has dubstep, and an instructor with the best adjustments I've seen on the west coast.

Kishan's Shah's class is a beautiful combination of depth and bass, a solid sequence mixed with sweet spirituality, and an opportunity to sweat it all out.

As much as I appreciate challenge in my classes, I really much prefer it when there's an element in the class that ignites a fire within me, instead of pushing me.

Kishan is quite at home in Exhale's golden Sun room, and he splits his passion between standing meditation and yogic squats. The first time I went, I was so moved by the music, I felt I was stretching far into the sky in my standing poses, particularly the heart-opening lunges. I was so happy I decided to arrive at the studio that evening. I had heard of Kishan a few times, and had the intention of trying out his class for a while. So one unproductive day (I should wisely abandon accomplishment until after 7, really), I came in and let go of a whole bunch of stress: it was fantastic!

The next time I took class, I arrived after spending a weekend hiking 12 miles back and forth to a place called 'The Bridge To Nowhere'. My legs hurt, to say the least. Kishan's concern was apparent as he came over to me in my third or fourth time in child's pose, and asked me if I was. Just sore, I assured him, thankful for the attention. A little while later, he brought me into the deepest twist I had ever experienced, with my chest straight up into the sky in a twisted lunge. Impressive, and challenging : )

An afternoon with Kate Duyn Cariati

When I walked into Kate's class, I joined several other women who were undoubtedly in the same space as me: craving an afternoon break of movement and meditation.

Kate's creative sequencing was truly spectacular, especially her fearlessness with arm balances. It was a Level 2/3 class, so there was certainly an element of challenge to the practice.

I had come in, admittedly, a slightly unbalanced state, and I was grateful for Kate's patience as I shed a silent tear or two, and fell out of more than a few poses. I really appreciate it when a teacher places me in situations that I'm usually a bit to lazy to enter into during my morning practices, like eka pada koundiyanasana (yeah, I had to look that up...). Kate led us into these spaces with a graceful, sweet and friendly air. Several times, she came over to whisper a friendly word of encouragement in my ear- much appreciated!

Overall, I left Kate's class with a sense of peace and accomplishment, and undoubtedly a stronger core as well : )

Collaboration, Love and Economics

A friend of mine went on a date with a woman. They vibed particularly well, and seemed in joy of each other's company. He asked her, "If I were more financially stable, could you see yourself being with me more?".

"And a normal girl, he says, a normal girl would say 'Oh, of course, no'. But she needed to think about it for a moment....and say, hmm...I don't think so?"

I thought it was a bit unforgiving. It's a harsh reality for women. I've heard that women earn 77 cents on the dollar. In my experience, the women in my world earn less than half the income of the men I owe, and although this is skewed because many of the women I know are independent artists- a difficult profession in any gender- it's still the current state of affairs. In my world, I can tell you that the guys I know can get a plane flight or a boat or a new apartment or whatever the heck, and the women I know are having trouble paying for meals. I know that's not a demonstrative demographic. I am only trying to share my experience.

In our society, we usually share our income and possessions, our lifestyle, with those closest with us. For most, but not all people, that usually means that one shares more comfortably with one's spouse or one's girlfriend than with anyone else. And when you get to the level of structuring a world....

It could mean living in a world where you take a weekend vacation to Fiji, India, Morocco, and visit the symphony orchestra. Watch plays and enjoy nice meals, donate to charities and appreciate design. Organize benefits and choose every aspect of the home you live in. Or you could be trying to make ends meet in a dinky little place and have to worry about roof leaks and healthcare.

And I, with all my ideals and radical notions on equality and independence- have I ever thought about the opportunities that may be available to me in this respect? Has this idea presented itself in temptation?

Yes.

And the nausea that accompanies this tiny prick of desire as well.

When you realize that you are seeing your companionship as a grander opportunity than your talents and passions....yes, this is sick, truly sick. When I think that love, yes my love, is subject to material appeals and my mind seems unable to escape this. Well, I feel sick, I do.

The feeling fades and passes I explore other perspectives on the link between partnerships and economics. In Russia, people frequently don't move out of their parents homes until they are married because the cost of housing is just so absurdly high, it frequently takes two. And I think my generation is thinking like this- the power of teaming up- from a space of equality- but seeing collaboration as a route to abundance.

"You shouldn't marry someone rich" said Yohei, "You should find someone who is going to become rich, and marry them".

At the time, he had no clue that this was actually the message my mother has sent to me since perhaps birth, and how creepy it was that he mentioned it out loud. But that was always her thought- connect for love, and then you both together seek to grow.

Anyways, this has been on mind a lot recently and I just wanted to take an opportunity to let it go.

Nervous

I am nervous.

Seriously nervous. Harry Potter about to play quidditch nervous.

I actually have not been this jacked with anticipation since I was a mock trial debater almost 8 years ago in high school. To those who have never found themselves as mock trial debaters, this is a horrible allusion to the profound nature of this nervousness. I think the absurdity adds a nice touch.

That was the last time I fasted for an event, although at the time all the spiritual meaning of fasting was lost on me. It just seemed, for whatever reason, to be a good idea, the way it feels today.

In the early part of the week, I was all "yang" energy- running around, connecting post-Bhakti, getting out all our info, connecting with studios- up from early morning to late at night in a buzz of creation. Suddenly, mid-week, the energy shifted. I became more aware of my emotions and more sensitive than comfortable for sure, and I realized that I was entering a phase of "yin" energy.

It took me a long time to come to terms with this when it happens. For a few days, I'm not up in my running shoes listening to NIN, but rather down on the floor in a gentle yoga practice, or curled up with my journal. In the past I would repress this state, try to figure out what was 'wrong' and try to pump myself with energy. Time has taught me to honor my reflective state, to give myself permission to be a bit more sleepy, a bit more sensitive, to explore my dreams and express the myriad of strange human feelings I get filled up with. It's an intuitive space, a way of being that perhaps offers or forces insight and understanding into my existence. During this time I find being alive altogether weird and bewildering, and a bit overwhelming, even.

And I know that tonight, though I have little expectation about what is actually going to take place, I have a strange inclination that it's going to be a very strong experience. I feel like I'm about to lose my identity slightly, and that I, like the people in savasanah, may journey away a little bit as I ring the gongs, and find myself different upon my arrival.

Even though I know the experience is usually quite pleasant, the very presence of the unknown alerts me,

Well, let's finish getting ready then. 

Venice Movement Arts Center: with Alexandria Barrett

Ever had a day where, by 6 o'clock, you've rescheduled your evening meeting for noon tomorrow, then dropped the world and headed yoga-wards? I won't judge you. That was my night.

Alexandria Barrett opened up Venice Arts Movement Center, a community sanctuary right across from Whole Foods (think yoga + smoothie, yoga + groceries, yoga + pretending-to-be-healthy pizza). Her 7pm class featured live music and candles, a soft soothing voice and a welcoming presence.

Earlier today, I learned about the 3P's, Perseverance (moving through the difficult), Persistence (re-awakening your goal) and Patience (letting go and waiting in confidence). That's a pretty accurate summary of Alexandria's class.

Alexandria holds the space with ease as she guides through a simple, hacyon sequence. It's slow flow, which in my opinion is much more difficult than a more rajastic- or fiery- vinyasa. Slow flow invites one to spend more time with the self, to explore the exhausted mind and body, full of hesitation, as it embarks on the movement's path. Usually, I don't get a quick escape from my thoughts, I must work for it through awareness and focus upon the breath.

We move mindfully from one pose to another, a strong set up in Warrior I, each transition coordinated. It was a blessing challenge, knocking my out of my day's 'coast' mentality. Alexandria caught me rushing from one pose to the incorrect other a few times, I'll admit. After a while, I realized I'm going to be holding these poses longer than I may expect ; ).

Our pigeon pose was particularly detailed: Alexandria talked about the structure and nature of the piriformis, after adjusting almost everyone in the class during the lengthy hold.

Half way through the class, however, I remember why slow flow is as powerful as it is. Instead of a quick yoga high, I set my inner metronome from presto to lento. I've played out the entirety of my mental tape, stretched each part of my body, and sank deep into savasanah with lavender pillows.

As I walked out of class, awake and radiant, my mind pushed creativity into the silence; composing stories and ideas. It's 8:45, and I just woke up, I think to myself. Thanks Alexandria!

Isabelle Du Soleil

If you've ever imagined what is it like to do yoga in the french countryside, Isabelle Du Soleil has you covered.

Isabelle was subbing Annie's SMARTflow level 2/3, a class that's always challenging and requires a bit of mental pep talk to get to in the morning. About half way through the class today, I realized that just because Annie wasn't teaching, didn't mean we were taking it easy. That was okay, because half way through the class, I was in the flow and not wanting to back down either.

Isabelle has a charming french accent and an allure of grace and familiarity. Imagine receiving an invite from your sweet cousin in Alsace, inviting you over for yoga kriyas amongst the lavender.

I picked up on a lot of Shiva Rea inspired movement, as well as very Annie Carpenter like precision and attention to the student bodies. My favorite part of the sequence, however, was the hip opening ending. I always seem to forget about hanumanasana (splits) in my own practice, so it's nice to have the focus go there in class. Isabelle shared that hip openers brought her closer into herself, into a deeper truth and connection with the earth. I appreciate that.